


lets be sinners to be saints.

by Worldclassbeauty



Series: Kindred souls- verse [2]
Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Shark Attack (The Wilds), Angst and Fluff and Smut, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Past Child Abuse, Smut, Warning Dave Goodkind
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-12 15:20:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29012685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Worldclassbeauty/pseuds/Worldclassbeauty
Summary: A heart to heart at the waterfall.
Relationships: Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe
Series: Kindred souls- verse [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2128383
Comments: 7
Kudos: 120





	lets be sinners to be saints.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Leapyearbaby29](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leapyearbaby29/gifts).



> *WARNING!*  
> Smut! Due to what has been going on in the fandom all the girls are aged up and are 18. This also means that Gretchen is no longer indangering mionors, so good for her 🙂  
> mentions of abuse.  
> Use of the F slur  
> I also made Dave Goodkind worse! 
> 
> NOTE: Same universe as Kindred souls :D 
> 
> Based off of prompts:
> 
> Toni and Shelby have sex at the waterfall.
> 
> While at the waterfall, Shelby tells Toni about her past and comes out to her. Maybe they make love after.
> 
> Shelby tops Toni and Toni discovers that she sorta kinda likes being topped.
> 
> https://supercorp-shipper.tumblr.com/post/640020620224118784/shoni-prompts

Shelby and Toni had volunteered to go get water, it was a hot day and no one had wanted to even move least they dehydrate. But it also meant that they were burning through their supply at record speed. So while they still had some water it would be wisest to get more today. Realizing it was a chance to be alone for several hours Shelby had volunteered which had prompted Toni to do the same. So here they were carrying the empty container for the water uphill. The trek was hard in mild weather and horrible in this heat. It took them almost an hour to make it to the waterfall where Toni immediately began stripping down.

Shelby had already seen the shorter girl naked only days before, but she was still knocked back by just how beautiful the brunette was. It reminded her of that old country song Mr. Campbell would sing as they packed up after practice.

“ _My bartender she’s from the islands, her body been kissed by the sun_ ”

“Are you serenading me?” Toni asked as she stood only clad in her, well Fatin’s, panties.

Shelby blushed. She hadn’t realized that she had sung out loud.

The still very topless Toni closed the distance between then as she pulled the blonde down for a kiss.

It started sweet but quickly got heavy as the short brunettes wondering hands began undressing her lover.

Once Toni had managed to get her down to her panties as well the brunette smiled against the kiss, leaned back, and took off running before jumping into the cold water.

Shelby was slightly miffed at being left high, and well not exactly dry, but shook it off and followed the shorter girl into the clear cold water.

At the back of her mind she knew that this would also be their drinking water, but they would be boiling it so it should be fine.

The water was too deep for them to fool around in, they had tried but neither of them was a strong enough swimmer to hold the other above water while continuing their other activity. So they decided against drowning and just swam for a bit before getting up to dry on the rocks.

And if Shelby had been stunned at seeing the other girl undress it was nothing to compared to seeing her relatively clean, dripping wet and glistening in the sun.

Toni barely had time to react before she felt arms close around her from behind, followed by a slightly chapped pair of lips on her neck.

She leaned her head back, allowing the blonde girl better access to her neck, which was rewarded with a series of kisses, licks and a bite which caused Toni to let out a moan that would have embarrassed her if it didn’t result in the blonde moving the hand that wasn’t currently pinching at her nipple, into her, for more than one reason, wet panties. 

Leaning more of her weight against Shelby, Toni helped her get the offending underwear off of her and spread her legs more.

The blonde took the impatient moan that Toni let out as consent and dipped a finger into the welcoming heat.

Shelby didn’t want to take the Lords name in vain, but God the brunette felt perfect around her, the wet heat pulsing and pulling her in. Their first time had been wonderful, but Shelby had been the focus so by the time they got to Toni’s turn they were worn out and while they had both enjoyed it nothing compared to having the other girl at her mercy like this.

“…Shelby, please”

Shelby was snapped out of her thoughts by the shorter girls begging. Not one to admit that she’d been too lost in her own thoughts to pay attention to the girl she was currently knuckle deep in she chose a different approach.

“Again, this time like you mean it” Shelby ordered. She had no idea where that came from. Had that side of her always been here? She would never hurt Toni, but gosh she liked it when the athlete begged.

Toni craned her neck to look at Shelby who had stopped working on her neck.

“More, please Shelby, I need more.”

Shelby pulled her finger completely out of the brunette, giving her clit a light tap as she did. Before plunging two fingers in knuckle deep in on one stroke, curling them upwards immediately before she moved with the same rhythm as before, if only a bit harder.

“See that wasn’t so hard, Toni you’re such a good girl” it was meant to be teasing and genuine, Shelby had noticed that Toni hadn’t been praised even once the entire time they’d been here, and she wanted her to know that she appreciated her doing as she was told.

What she hadn’t expected was the way Toni seemed to fall apart in her arms, her orgasm surprising them both.

Shelby pulled her fingers out and Toni turned around and leaned into her embrace, Shelby kissing her hair while holding her tight against her body.

They stayed like that for a while, until their legs got tired and it got too cold to be naked.

After getting dressed they laid out a blanket on the rock and unpacked the fruits and berries they had brought for the trip, knowing that they wouldn’t be back before the next day.

They ate in relative silence, which was awkward for both of them, before Toni spoke up.

“I’m sorry about before, that eh was a bit weird.”

She was looking down at her lap, playing with the leaves from one of the fruits.

Shelby reached into her lap to hold take her hand into hers.

“It really wasn’t, and you have nothing to apologize for baby.”

“it was though, I didn’t mean to just fall apart like that, and you didn’t even get to come” Toni complained.

“first of all, you have no idea how much touching you turns me on, like embarrassingly much so don’t worry about me. Second you said you trusted me, and you can, I love that you trust me enough to follow directions and to be vulnerable with me” Shelby was really pouring her hear out and all she could do was pray that Toni believed her.

Toni blushed but made eye contact with the blonde.

“So where did it come from? I didn’t think you had it in you to rough and commanding like that.”

This time Shelby was the one to look away, she had hoped they could avoid talking about that.

“I my household and growing up I’ve always been told what to do and expected to do so, and I- “She trailed off.

Toni moved to put her arms around the taller girl and pulled her down, so they were holding each other.

“I just really like being the one in control for once, those thoughts used to feel so deviant, but I wanted someone to actually hear me and do what I wanted” Shelby voiced for the first time.

Toni nodded. She had been at the mercy of the state since her mom first went to rehab when she was 11. So she knew what it meant to have decisions made for her.

“I trust you Shelby, and honestly the only people I trust in my life is Marty and Mrs. B.”

“I am honored that you do Toni, I really am.”

“Its not just the sex thing tho shebls, I really trust you.”

Shelby felt like her heart was about to burst as she leaned in to plant a loving kiss on the other girls lips.

“I trust you too Toni and to prove it I’m going to tell you something I’ve never told anyone, the worse thing I’ve ever done and when you’ve heard it then I want you to decide if you still want to be my girlfriend, because if we are moving the way I think we are I wont hide from you, you deserve to know the girls sharing your bed” Shelby was nervous, she was fidgeting with her cross and breathing rapidly.

Toni waited in silence, letting the girl do this in her own time.

“to preface this story, not to justify my actions, just to explain I need you to know how my family is” Shelby began.

“When I was 7 years old my mom caught me making two dolls kiss and a few minutes later my father came into my room with a gun.”

“What?!” Toni was outraged and moved to get up.

Shelby held her down and pressed a hand on her chest.

“Stop, stop moving and breath” she told the angry girl in a firm yet soft tone.

Toni took a few breaths.

“Deeper” Shelby ordered

A few deeper breaths were taken.

“Slower”

By this time Toni had more or less calmed down

“hold it”

Toni did.

“Good girl, now exhale.”

The praise and breathing techniques and worked like a charm and Shelby could continue.

“He sat next to me on the floor and showed me this antique handgun, the thing must have been like 100 years old. And he told me the story of his grandfather, Elliott Goodkind who had owned the gun and had been the pride of their community in Brady.”

Toni nodded, this was the first time the blonde had mentioned where she was actually from, other than just “Texas.”

“And then he showed me the engraving on the handle of the gun.”

Shelby shuddered.

“it said ‘Faggot Killer’”

Toni felt her blood run cold.

“and so my daddy put a single bullet into the gun, put it to my head and told me that even with his God given work with conversion therapy he could never trust that I’d be fully cured, and he would rather have a dead daughter than a ‘faggot.’”

Shelby was crying at this point. Toni put her arms around her and held her, it was a while before she stopped crying.

“I don’t know what happened, but my mom came into the room and was screaming at him, she even slapped him, that’s the only time I’ve ever seen her stand up to him. She convinced him that I was only 7 and that it would go away. We never talked about it again and I became very vocally anti-gay” Shelby was ashamed of the last bit.

Toni nodded.

“I had this friend, my first love, Becca” She smiled sadly.

“That’s a beautiful name” Toni said.

“And she was beautiful, inside and out. We had been friends for a while, and my parents trusted me around her.”

“So, what happened?”

“we were playing around, while I was trying on dresses for the pageant, she came at me with a marker and we wrestled.”

“I think I know where this is going” Toni commented.

“I kissed her, she didn’t kiss me back, but she didn’t pull away either. Looking back I don’t think she felt the same, she just didn’t want to reject me out right.” 

“The straight best friend” Toni said with a small smile.

“Anyway my dad saw me kiss her and I panicked. She was barely out the door before I began lying, I told them that she kissed me that I wasn’t like that, I swore on the bible” Shelby explained.

“Oh no…”

“Yeah, I tried so hard to make it seem like Becca had been the one to kiss me. She had been the victim of abuse in the past and had tried to kill herself once, and I used that to make people believe me.”

“…”

“She showed up at my house and I said all those awful things to her face, that the was over sexed, that she had been asking for it when her brother molested her, that this was gods punishment” Shelby felt tears slide down her cheeks, she had cried herself out before, this was all that was left.

“And she- she just stood there and took it, she begged me to stop lying, at least to myself and told me that she would always be there for me”

Toni wiped the tears away as they kept running down the blondes cheeks.

“I told her that I didn’t want her, that- oh God- that I wished she had succeeded the first time. A few days later at the pageant I found out that she had killed herself, her mom had found her”

Toni’s heart broke for the girl carrying around so much guilt and pain, she had been correct that Shelby was hiding something dark and here it was.

“Shelby, I need you to know that you didn’t kill Becca” Toni said gently.

“I might as well have, I more or less told her to do it.”

“Becca loved you, and she wouldn’t want to see you in this much pain.”

Shelby just shrugged. She was a monster. Her fear had consumed her and cost her best friend her life. 

“Shelbs, you were scared for your life. Best case scenario was a conversion camp somewhere and worst case was death, I can imagine the constant fear and pressure you were under.”

“That’s why I was sent away, why I latched on to Martha who reminded me so much of Becca… and why I hated you, I hated the way you made me feel and how much I wanted to kiss you, I felt like Becca died for nothing if I gave in” Shelby explained.

“And now? How do you feel now?” Toni asked nervously.

“I know that I want to be with you, that I am scared of being rescued and what will happen when I see my parents again, but I can’t go back to the person I was before, the toxic fake girl whose fear killed her best friend” Shelby confessed.

“I think Becca would be proud of you” Toni said before kissing the blondes nose lightly.

“She would tease me mercilessly about you, and ask inappropriate questions about lesbian sex but most importantly she would really like you Toni, she’d think you’re amazing.” Shelby smiled her first real smile since the conversation began.

“I’m not, since you have shared and trusted me with the worse thing you’ve ever done, I’ll do the same, I haven’t even told Marty this” Toni said and the atmosphere grew darker again.

The sun had set a while ago which had gone pretty unnoticed by both girls, but it was pitch black now as Toni pulled Shelby into her arms once again.

“My third placement was with this couple, the wife was kind enough, I was fed and clothed and she picked me up from school. But she worked out of state so she would leave on the weekends and I’d be left with the husband” Toni began.

“Toni, did he?” Shelby couldn’t continue but the question hung clearly in the air.

“No, it wasn’t like that, thankfully, but he’d beat me. Everytime his wife left us alone the beatings began.”

“Oh God, Toni”

“He’d deny me food and access to the bathroom, he treated me like an animal.”

Toni was getting angry again, which was well within her rights just rather useless right now.

Shelby placed a hand on the girls chest again, which seemed to calm her a bit. The brunette took a deep breath before continuing.

“It went on for 10 months, 3 weekends a month. One time was really bad, he broke my rib with a frying pan.”

“Toni…”

“Anyway Beth and left as usual and Hank was kicking me in the back when he suddenly collapsed, he was clutching at his chest and begged me to call for an ambulance.”

Shelby kissed Toni’s forehead.

“And I got up off the floor went to the phone and just stopped. He was on the floor powerless for once and I wanted him to die, so I just stood there and watched him die. I waited an hour, to make sure he was actually dead before I called 911. I lied to the police and told them that I had been asleep in my room and had only just found him.”

“You didn’t kill him Toni, God did, he got to be powerless and at your mercy for once. It sounded like a heart attack, even if you’d called 911 right away, he more than likely would have died” Shelby said reassuringly. 

Toni nodded.

“That’s what the EMT’s said too, but I still made the choice Shelbs, I let him die.”

“I know it doesn’t mean a whole lot to you, but I forgive you for his death and as a youth minister I can tell you that God forgives you too” Shelby said.

“What?” Toni was taken aback by Shelby.

It was too dark to see each other but Shelby found Toni’s hands.

“You, Antonia Shalifoe, are forgiven” she said, she was guessing that ‘Toni’ was short for something.

Toni smiled, she would never admit it, but she actually felt a bit lighter.

“Antonia?” Toni asked amused.

“I guessed” Shelby said a bit embarrassed.

“Well you’re a little off because you forgot to account for my moms love of history and sense of humor”

“Oh Lord, now I’m curious.”

“You can never repeat this to a living soul, Marty is the only one who knows” Toni warned.

“I swear” Shelby said clearly amused.

“Antoinette”

“No way, Like Marie Antoinette?” Shelby laughed.

“Yes, like Marie Antoinette, which is why I never tell anyone” Toni stressed.

“Your secret is safe with me, Princess.”

“First of all, she was a queen. Second fuck no, you are not calling me that.”

“Go to sleep then, Baby.”

“You know what? I’m not sure I want to be your girlfriend anymore” Toni teased in a mock angry tone.

“Too bad Princess, because you’re stuck with me now” Shelby replied as she closed her eyes, all of the emotion has worn her out.

She felt Toni kiss her nose before she fell asleep.

Shelby was woken with gentle kisses all over her face and the sun in her eyes.

“Wake up Babe, I have something I want to show you.” Toni said smiling down at the girl.

Shelby grumbled but got up and followed her girlfriend, Lord the word sent a rush through her.

They walked for a little while, deeper into the wilds of the island when they Toni told her to close her eyes. She did and was gently guided approximately 50 steps into a clearing when she was told to open her eyes again.

The green clearing was sun kissed and warm despite it being early in the morning.

And there, by a tree laid a tall pile of rocks, carefully build, with two arm length sticks tied together in a cross placed at the head of the formation.

“I gathered that you never got to go to Becca’s funeral or say goodbye, so I build this for you here, for her.”

Shelby didn’t know what to say, no one had ever done something so thoughtful for her before, Becca would have loved Toni. God, Shelby loved Toni.

She didn’t realize that she was crying until Toni kissed her wet cheek.

“Say your goodbyes, apologize and tell her that you love her” Toni suggested.

And Shelby did, she fell to her knees and apologized to God and Becca, who she knew was in heaven despite having killed herself.

After awhile she waved Toni over, Toni had kept a respectful distance but stayed with her for support.

“Becs, this is Toni, my girlfriend. I- I only met her because I was sent here, so in a way I guess its your doing, you guided me to her. Maybe you put in a good word for me with the Lord” Shelby tearfully joked.

“I wish you could have met her. You’d love her almost as much as I do” Shelby was facing Toni as she said the last part.

Toni smiled but turned to face the makeshift grave.

“Hey Becca, I wish things could have been different, that I could have met you. You’d no doubt give me the shovel talk and warn me to never break Shelby’s heart. But don’t worry I don’t intent to. I promise you I’ll take care of her, and love her enough for both of us.” 

Shelby couldn’t believe it was possible to love anyone as much as she loved Toni at that moment.

They walked hand in hand back to get the water and return to camp.

“I know its awful, but have you noticed that our trauma mirrors each other?” Toni mused out loud as they walked. She had thought about is as she build the makeshift grave, Shelby suffered mental abuse at the hands of her family and Toni and suffered physical abuse in the foster system.

“Toni?”

“Yeah Babe”

“I’m ready to tell the girls.”

And she was truly ready to tell the others, she was almost giddy at the thought. She didn’t know what was waiting for them in the future, they could die on the island or get torn apart by her family if they were rescued, but she needed the world to know that Toni Shalifoe was hers. 


End file.
